A confession to my soul
This moment is the moment that I have wanted for a year. I feel peaceful and cozy. This is what I want to do in winter. Drink coffee, wear warm clothes, look at the sky, and write. The clouds disappeared briefly, but that did not bother me at all. However, I feel protected and comfy even though a voice wants to come out to destroy my peaceful moments. I'm trying to resist it and not let it overcome me. I need me on my best day. I missed myself, missed writing, missed me wondering, missed me thinking, and simply I missed myself alone without outside interruption or interaction. I know you exist, but you are more mature and realistic, which I've been trying to avoid all these months. I know you are kind, loving, protective, understandable, sensitive, pure, and much more that I cannot describe in words. I ran away from you, and maybe because I was used to pain, I used to have negative feelings that I could not tolerate any positive ones.
“I missed myself, missed writing, missed me wondering, missed me thinking, and I missed myself alone without outside interruption or interaction”
You were my saver on many occasions and my enemy on other events. I discovered you two years ago; I could not believe that you belonged to me at that time and how I did not notice you for these years or even heard you well. You came to me at the right time when I needed support and sympathy. I thank you for understanding me and my unpredictable emotions. I apologize for not being close to you all these months, for running from you, and for not asking for help. I'm terribly sorry for pushing you away when you tried to provide me the love I needed to cover my heart from darkness to keep me moving and building myself again. I needed you. This is the first time I said It to you after realizing you are the only one on this earth who knows me well and knows my strength before my weakness. You are the only one who will support, encourage, and be with me no matter what.
You witness me failing, depressed, and being all over the place, but I listen to you whispering to me to be careful and to watch out. I trusted you even though sometime I could not hear you well with the interruption of demons' voices trying to shut you down. They tried to tie you up because they knew you were braver than them. If I said I love you isn't enough, I'm proud of you and proud to have you. I’m intrigued by you. I’m now the happiest person in this world to confess my feelings for you. May I listen and be with you only? is that what they call love?
