Researching for happiness
Growing up, I described happiness as listening to music, eating out, watching tv, having a phone, and many materialistic items. That was my happiness definition for a long time until I graduated from college. I questioned everything around me. I started to ask myself if I was happy? What is happiness? Is it music, food, or a movie? These used to be my fuel, but they were not enjoyable anymore. Nonetheless, after years of occupying myself with studying and not thinking or asking myself these primary questions – I woke up to catch up on what I'm missing in life and to learn about myself. I googled about it many times, and I discovered that I'm depressed and I have no talent or even a hobby. What I knew at that time were studying and grades. So, I have decided to research happiness or, let's say, examine what people think is happiness.
“I googled about it many times, and I discovered that I’m depressed and I have no talent or even a hobby.”
They say happiness is a success; to be successful, you have to get a job, woke up early, exercise, eat healthy, having a hobby. Well, I believe I have none of that at that time? Therefore, I said I was not anxious or sad. I'm not successful; that's it. That's what I was looking for. Now I must make a to-do list to be productive. First, I have to have a hobby, maybe one or two, then diet and work out. After that, I must sleep at night, wake up early, and finally, body care. Honestly, that worked a lot because I focused on myself for the first time but was still depressed. I made all these drastic changes, and I was limited, and this is not what I want to feel. I asked myself the same question for the second time. Am I a happy person? Ok, Maybe my method is wrong; yes, this is it. I think happiness is money. I must work to do or buy what gives me joy. So, I got my first job finally after a struggle. However, I was at the lowest point that I had ever experienced in my entire life; they always say money cannot buy happiness. I agreed with that when I was working.
“I started to ask myself if I was happy? What is happiness? Is it music, food, or a movie?”
This month, I asked myself again, after 6 years, I'm happy, and what makes me happy? – I wanted to answer this question , not others. At this time, I want to think and answer like a mature woman who knows her choices well and what she wants. I said yes; I'm over the moon because I said it for the first time in years. It was my dream to say it. The meaning is changed from 24 years old woman to 30 years old woman. Happiness is the moment, is how you treat yourself – how you talk to yourself and how you take care of yourself. I was always living with the past or looking for the future, never enjoying my present. I'm overjoyed by accepting myself with my weakest and strongest moments. I'm pleased to be different from others. I'm so glad to be me. I'm not confused like before; I know what makes me thrilled and excited. Finally, after years of suffering, my research is completed.
